Nightmares
by NotToBeMessedWith
Summary: Scorpius Malfoy has a nightmare about what it would be like to marry into the Weasley brood. Totally random humorfic.


Scorpius Malfoy has a nightmare about what it might be like to marry into the Weasley brood…

"Daaaaaaad!"

Scorpius groaned. _Too early… why isn't Rose taking care of them? _he thought to himself. But clearly, his family didn't care if it was too early on the one day he had off per week. No, the children had to be kept happy.

Blinking slowly, a bright red object came into focus. It was his son, Aries. "What? I was sleeping," he muttered, trying to hint to the boy to keep his siblings _away_

Aries didn't catch the hint. Talking at a mile a minute, he said, "Everyone is fighting in the nursery and Cassie won't stop yelling and Mum had to go over to Aunt Lily's because _her_ baby is sick and the cousins need watching." He blinked owlishly at his father with Scorpius's gray eyes.

Grumbling, Scorpius swung his feet out from under the warm blue comforter and onto the hard wooden floor. "All right, all right. Give them a warning, I'm coming, and I'll stick them all to the ceiling if they don't knock it off," he told Aries. _Will there even be enough room on the ceiling?_

Beaming at the thought of his brothers getting in trouble, he dashed off. As he opened and closed the door, Scorpius could hear the wails of girls and the evil laughter of boys.

He looked at Rose's side of the bed. Indeed, there was a note there, telling him she had gone to Lily's for the day, and would he mind watching the kids for a little while? _Yes, Rose. I actually would mind. You Weasleys have a penchant for turning out too many children and I'm not in the mood_, he thought mutinously.

But there was really no choice now. Bracing himself, making sure he had his wand, Scorpius Malfoy marched off to face his brood.

Opening the door to the nursery, he was met with a scene of chaos.

"Aries, get OFF of me!" bellowed Altair, trying and failing to throw his brother off. Off to the side, Aquila had gotten into a catfight with her sister Sagitta over something or other (it looked like a skirt? Scorpius didn't know). Little Vulpecula was shrieking from her crib. Delphinus and Equuleus, devil boys both, were dangling her teddy bear just out of her reach.

Cygnus was in the corner, looking bored, sitting on his sister Lacerta, who was clawing at him with her nails. Baby Serpens was being held high above the chaos by tall, lanky Ophiucus. Beautiful Lyra had somehow escaped the insanity that was all her siblings being home for the summer, and appeared at his side. "Make sure they don't drop Ursa on her head," she advised him, then slunk out the door. 'They' were her siblings, Shaula and Fornax, who were trying to get the baby girl out of the throng.

Scorpius was in a state of shock. He had forgotten how bad things at home could get now that most of the children were at Hogwarts or grown up. But Rosie had wanted everyone home for the holidays, and so here they were.

_She was always smart. Of course she bailed!_ He thought sourly, before Castor and Pollux, the twins, slammed into him and sent him sprawling. "Sorry, Dad!" they said together, and rushed off after Lyra.

Hercules was in a fistfight with Peseus now. Vega, being a girl, was unsuccessfully trying to pry them apart. Cassiopeia, who Aries had said wouldn't stop screaming, was off to the side, near Cepheus's crib. She was in fact shrieking for all her two-year-old lungs were worth. The baby boy began to wail with his sister, adding an ear-piercing howl to the mix.

Taurus, who almost didn't come because he was engaged, was trying very hard to keep Auriga from leaping on Capella. It was difficult to hear just what the restrained girl was yelling about, but it sounded like it had to do with a boy and Cappie being a whore.

Scorpius paled as Lynx and Canis whipped out their wands and began to duel. Lynx's blonde hair whipped everywhere as she dodged her older brother's curses. Coma and Leo were attempting to hide themselves in the overfilled closet, but gave up as one of Cane's curses went astray and blew up the door. They just jammed themselves underneath newborn Rigel's crib and hoped for the best.

Eridanus, the oldest son, picked his way through the crowd over to Scorpius. His face was scratched and his white-blonde hair disheveled. He looked furious. "And Mum wonders why none of us like coming home!" he growled, before pushing past his father and making a break for the stairs.

Scorpius just started. This was ridiculous! Cetus was trying desperately to escape through the window with something that looked like Mira's diary before she fought through the throng to him. Lepus was sitting on a shelf that normally housed bottles and sending random spells into the mix. Columba began to scream profanities as her face turned acid green. Caelum sent a severing spell at the supports of the shelf, and Lepus fell. He was immediately set upon by his angry, Rose-tempered Malfoy sister.

Grus and Alnair were pushing Dorado's stroller through the crowd, with the baby boy within laughing with a surprising amount of evil. Somehow he had gotten a wand and was pointing it and babbling. Tucana wailed as her ears began to grow at an alarming rate, thanks to the boy. Mensa was sent flying into Vela as she was run down by the stroller. Vela yelled angrily and used her younger sister as a shield while Pyxis tried to curse her. All of Mensa's clothes vanished, leaving her to dive into a stuffed animal pile to hide.

Antlia, his oldest daughter, approached him. "Uh, Dad?" she snapped angrily. "Aren't you going to do something before they kill each other!?" Suddenly she gasped and ducked as Carina sent a spell flying her way. It flew past both of them and blew a hole in the far wall. Five year old Argo peered between his father's legs. "Awesome!" he cried, and give Carina a thumbs-up.

Pictor was trying desperately to round up his youngest siblings and get them out of harm's way. He scooped up Volans and Apus, but Musca toddled away from him with surprising speed. However, Circinus got her from the side, and the two older boys brought the young ones over to Scorpius.

"Dad, hello? You still there? Because I'm pretty sure we're going to be down a Malfoy if this doesn't stop…" said Pictor. Antlia nodded furiously, and began sending Stunners into the throng of red and blonde hair. Apus clapped his pudgy hands in glee as she hit Aquila, but started screaming as Sagitta attacked with an advantage. Circinus hastily Stunned her, too.

Vulpecula stopped screaming as both Delphinus and Equuleus fell, and her teddy landed at her side. Sucking contentedly on one of her bright red curls, she moved away from the bars into safety. Grus fell next, and Alnair lost control of the stroller, sending a baby with a wand careening around the room with no one to steer.

Pavo appeared behind him, his wife Pia looking shocked and horrified at his family. He looked at Antlia and Circinus's example and started to subdue his siblings too.

Ara and Norma saw the source of the spells, and began to attack them in earnest. Little Libra got in the way, though, and ended up (of all things) stuck to the ceiling, just as their father had threatened. Momentarily distracted, Pictor took the two girls out. Corvus, who had stayed safely out of range, unstuck Libra from the ceiling and began to Stun other children.

One by one they fell. Altair, Aries, Cygnus, Lacerta. Orphiucus made it out, with Serpens in arms. He was closely followed by Fornax and Shaula, looking scared but okay with Ursa.

Hercules and Perseus went next, and Vega made for the door. Then she paused, and raced back to get Cassiopeia and Cepheus. Auriga and Capella went down, freeing Taurus to run for it. Lynx and Canus, Cetus and Mira, Lepus, Columba, and Caelum, all fell to the Stunners.

Suddenly everything was very still, except for a few snuffles by the young ones of cursed ones. A collection of children were passed out on the floor. A few others were in hiding in the room, and the rest were clustered around Scorpius, waiting for orders.

Scorpius ran through a mental checklist. Alnair, Altair, Antlia, Apus, Aquila, Ara, Argo, Aries, Auriga, Caelum, Canis, Capella, Carina, Cassiopeia, Castor, Cepheus, Cetus, Circinus, Columba, Coma, Corvus, Cygnus, Delphinus, Equuleus, Eridanus, Fornax, Grus, Hercules, Lacerta, Leo, Lepus, Libra, Lynx, Lyra, Mensa, Mira, Musca, Norma, Ophiucus, Pavo, Perseus, Pictor, Pollux, Pyxis, Rigel, Sagitta, Serpens, Shaula, Taurus, Tucana, Ursa, Vega, Vela, Volans, and Vulpecula. Fifty-five children. _That's all of them, _Scorpius thought with relief. But then…

_Wait… don't I have fifty-SIX?_

With a surprisingly fast piece of spellwork, Antlia Stunned Dorado, who had continued his wild ride unobstructed and who had just almost blow Scorpius's head off. _And Dorado,_ he though. _That's all of them._

_Curse the Weasley fertility. _

"Scorpius?" said a voice from behind him. He turned in time to see red hair, starting to grey, come up the stairs. It was Rose.

She saw a pack of her children standing around him and beamed. "Antlia!" she exclaimed. "Vega, Cassie, Cephie! Pictor, Corvus, Libra, Circinus, Pavo, Pia, Volnas, Apus, Musca, Serpens, Ophiucus, Taurus, Shaula, Fornax, Castor, Pollux, Ursa, Lyra!" Greeting each with a kiss and a hug, Rose gave Scorpius a squeeze too. "Sorry, dear, I know they're a handful, but Lily just couldn't spare me!" She bustled past him, and picked Vulpecula up out of her crib. The little girl settled on her mother's hip. Relieved that Rose was here – _she can handle it, I can go back to bed_ – Scorpius turned to leave.

"Oh, and Scorpius, dear?" He winced, and turned to face Rose again.

She beamed. "I'm pregnant again!"

---

Scorpius woke up screaming.

Erik Goldstein jerked awake, staring around. "Huh? What? Scorp, what's…?" He looked at the pale blonde boy, who was staring straight ahead, a look of horror on his face. "Oh," muttered Erik angrily. "A nightmare. Okay." He turned over and went back to sleep.

Scorpius stayed awake. His heart pounded so loud and fast he was surprised all of Ravenclaw Tower didn't wake up.

Slowly, he lay back down. So maybe he had complained to Rose of being an only child, of never having anyone to play and fight with. And maybe he had said he had wanted a big family. So maybe this was a warning?

He shook his head. No, he loved Rose, and he'd love to marry her someday. That hadn't changed.

But as he rolled over, he found himself thinking, _Maybe I'll actually go with Malfoy tradition for once and have only one son._

As his eyes shut once more, he had one last awful vision of that room filled with red and blonde heads, and then he dreamed no more.

End.

Okay, yes. This was totally random. I have no idea where this came from. No, I lied. I was looking at my astronomy book and remembered how all of the Blacks were named after constellations. Mix a Malfoy with a Weasley, known for their large number of children, and my twisted imagination, and you get a collection of crazy, temperamental, constellation named kids. Whoo!


End file.
